From one home back to another.
What a journey its been. Love, exhaustion, joy, restlessness, ups, downs, twists and turns; exploration, celebration, delegation, aspiration, midnight camp station and vindication.
All in 6 days. Wow.
1000km, East to West to East. Twice to the southern alps, sea level to 1000m, BBQ to french mussels, jugs of speights to IIPA, 4 seater to home on wheels, warm to cold, full moon to kaleidoscope of stars.
Sleeplessness to 3am drinking, bets made, pool games lost, nothing won but not much cost. Indoors and many talks, same town circuit and 7 native walks, places familiar but almost forgotten, new places to explore, tracks un-trotte(d)n.
The land of the long white cloud.
Needless to say i enjoyed my time back home. I tried to rule out as much expectation as i could but i dont think you can get rid of it all.
Was i worried when my niece would shy away, not let me hug her?
Was it hard when i couldnt quite connect with my brother like yesteryears due to his now mature, adult responsibilities and commitments?
Was it a slight jab that my own grandfather didnt recognise me due to my own absence and deterioration of communication?
But this is it, am i still down and out due to the above?
Not one bit.
Each incident, emotion, feeling has its own reasons for occurring; my expectations and my perception led me to experience it the way i did.
In no way is it my dearest families fault that i – my mind, my expectation – perceived these events in a negative light. (Dont get me wrong, Im not self-proclaiming pessimism)
Its simply expectation versus (…no, not reality you joker) -perception.
Because in essence isnt our perception our reality?
Our world, both physical and emotional is experienced, lived, felt and even expressed due to our perception of it; our life.
This is evident in the drugs we take that alter our physical and mental world. We fell it emotionally when we are tired or stressed; we perceive what someone said, did (or didnt) do and respond accordingly. Adrenaline, pack-mentality, alcohol, masculinity and even skydiving all heavily boost our ego, our confidence; we are 10 feet tall, we command our life and make it our bitch. When we meet the love of our time and first utter those 3 beautiful words our life becomes joyous, bright, elated and forever.
Tangent– Im watching gravity on the plane and i wonder, being 14,000 satilites in the sky, how 1) are they put into the precise orbit they are assigned so they dont crash and 2) is there an international governing body that decides which trajectory each new one takes or is it like christmas shopping at westfield and its a race for the best carpark. If you do know (or if you want to pretend you know Rich) please let me know.
Impermanence (Thats for another blog)
Nothing is forever.
Your drugs will wear off.
You will get that good nights sleep.
Your friends wont be around for ever.
The alcohol will wear off.
Your ‘perfect body’ will deteriorate.
The adrenaline will wear off.
And, cliche as it is, your love wont last forever. Sorry.
And so i believe it is our perception we must keep in check at all times. We must have perspective. And not just one.
With alternative perspectives flow down different ways to perceive the action, event, emotion or conflict at hand.
If we run into life with one perspective, one perception of whats happening then we are locked, chained & bound to our expectations, and most probably, those expectations will let us down.
A very very good friend of mine taught me this at an early age, when our friendship was starting and it has been the best life skill, piece of advice, anyone has ever given me.
It frustrates me that i catch myself using the advice far too infrequently, as im sure it does to him.
Or maybe not.
That may just be my perception of it.